I'm hiding out, Lord. But...if you give me a sign...

I tend to be a hermit. Seriously... I love my home. It is not big but just right. It is warm and cozy. And because my job requires that I deal with lots of different people at all ages and stages...sometimes, I find myself running away, shutting the doors, and hiding out. I don't sin too much when I am alone...I hide from Satan and his temptations. You can't tempt me if I retreat to four walls. I can just be. In Gideon's story however, Gideon was hiding from the real life-threatening evils of the oppressive Midianites.  Gideon found a good hiding spot in the mountains where he could farm in secret and protect his family.

In Sara Young's Jesus is Calling she reminds us that our desire to lead a risk free life is a form of disbelief. Ouch! In order to follow God wholeheartedly one must relinquish the tendency to play it safe. Ouch...again! Gideon was very comfortable in his safe little hiding place on the mountain...threshing his wheat and feeding his family. He was not sinning...in fact, God was using that quiet mountain time to prepare him for battle. Threshing wheat gives a fellow lots of time to think...and ponder...some serious time with God.

When God does appear to Gideon...he challenges God to give him proof. This is pretty bold of Gideon...but I totally get it.  "Now...who are you and what did you say you wanted ME to do? Well...how about a sign? Just so I am totally sure it is YOU that is asking ME. Just want to make sure you have the right address..."

God must sigh. But...the fleece thing is no big deal for God. Really, I'm surprised Gideon couldn't come up with something better than the whole wet fleece, dry ground thing. God responds...but just to make totally sure Gideon asks Him to flip it...ok...this time how about dry fleece, wet ground? God sighs (my insert) and just for Gideon's reassurance He responds one more time. Demanding the extra signs was a form of unbelief. Fear just needing more confirmation. Don't you think Gideon really knew?

Don't we sometimes really know when God is prodding us? But yet we hesitate. We retreat. We go hide in our house. We ask for some visible sign to give us the push we need. He must sigh...and whisper...."Go to my words that I have revealed to you. Over and over through many stories in the Old and New Testaments and the many verses of encouragement I have revealed My love, My desires, My sacrifice, My personality....Me. My Words are calling to you...read them, say them...live by them and be at peace."

"Be still, and KNOW that I AM GOD; 

I will be exalted among the nations, 

I will be exalted in the earth."

  Psalm 46:10

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you and watch over you." 

Psalm 32:8

Clark Kent becomes SUPERMAN!

God loves an underdog...it's when He does His best work! In chapter six we see a timid, fearful Gideon. God asks him to take down the idol of Baal and to cut down the Asherah pole beside it. Gideon rounds up ten buddies...and because he is afraid they sneak around at night to do the deed. Word spreads it was Gideon and his bunch that destroyed Baal.  An angry mob wants him killed...but his fast thinking dad, Joash, challenges the men...in a mocking tone..."If your Baal is so great...let him do his own fighting!" And...guess what...nothing happens. No surprise...stone statues don't do much. But what did happen is Gideon's reputation changes...his name becomes Jerub-Baal...meaning Baal Fighter!

Fearful Gideon

Don't you just love it? Can't you just see it? Folks whispering..."Look, it's Baal Fighter!" Clark Kent takes off his glasses...sweeps his cap around his shoulders and takes on all the bad guys. It is a common theme of many tales...the weak become strong. Whimpy guy takes on the bully...whimpy guy through a series of fortunate events wins. In the Word...over and over we see men of God transformed...when that happens God assigns them a new name. The Gideon of chapter six is not the Gideon of chapter seven. He has changed. With God he has become courageous. He walks a little taller...he speaks with a new boldness. He is not the same person. Crisis changes us.

Let me say it again...just in case you missed it! Crisis changes us...forever.  It is designed by God to change us. The valley we walk through...changes our perspective. The sports world coined the phrase "no pain, no gain"...reminding us that building mental and physical strength comes through hard work and effort...stretching our capabilities and muscles. It is painful. With each growth spurt as a Christian....you can guarantee it's beginning is rooted in human crisis. Often through devastating events we find our passion, our calling or our place to serve. When we are weak...we find we are walking closest to God. While clinging to Him...He leads us where He wants us to go. He renames us. He whispers...you are not you...you are now new...who I always knew you could be.

I wonder what God would rename me after a crisis? I wonder...maybe I might be Defender of Little Ones....or Seeker of Truth....Fighter for Family....I want my new transformed name to be one of strength and boldness for my King! I pray I would live with passion and renewed commitment to my God.

Gideon...Jerub-baal
Baal Fighter! 

When I am weak...He is strong!

The three chapters in Judges about Gideon are so full of good stuff it is hard to even know where to begin. God loves surprises! I wonder if He gets a twinkle in His eye right before He exhibits His glory to His children. When Sara laughed...I imagine God chuckled too. She doubted...but He knew that only when a barren belly bore a babe that the world would have no doubt that God's power provided renewed health, energy, and youth for a 90 plus woman to become a new mom. Then there is the time He plucked a young boy from a herd of sheep to face a nine foot giant...with a sling shot! Over and over God uses the weak to display His strength. It is as if He smiles and says...."Stand back...give me some room...now watch this!" Do you doubt who is in control?

As we read Judges 6 we find the Israelites have fallen (again!) They completely turned away from God...so for seven years the Lord allowed them to fall into the hands of the Midianites. The Midianites were powerful and oppressive! They ravaged the Israelites. Once again when in trouble...the Israelites call out to God for help. He was always there...just waiting to be asked. No crisis is ever powerful enough to place you out of the hands of God!

Who did God tap out to lead this rebellious bunch...insecure, timid, small in stature...and fearful Gideon. And do you know how God approached him? He appeared as an angel and said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." God called Gideon a mighty warrior! He wasn't...not yet! God loves to make the impossible possible...and the improbable probable. God always sees the heart of his children...he pays no attention to all that other stuff. God is always more interested in changing our hearts instead of our circumstances. He is not interested in our size, our age, our features, our handicaps...He sees what we do not see...because He knows HIS plan for our lives. Doesn't that just give you chills?

I wonder what God sees in me that I don't see? The word tells us that when we get to heaven we won't need our earthly bodies. They are just a shell for our spirit. Yet the word also tells us that when we get to heaven we will recognize each other. Do you suppose it will be because we will recognized by our hearts...the heart that God always sees? I wonder what phrase God would use to call me? I pray that in all circumstances my ears will be open to hear and my eyes will be open to see God's plan for me...because I know that I am weak and puny...but HE is strong.

Hmmmm...What's so special about Gideon?

Hebrews chapter 11 is often referred to as the Who's Who of the Faithful. It is really a listing of some of the super faith-fillled servants in the Bible. Out of all sixty-six books in the Bible...including the twelve chapters in the book of Judges there are just three chapters about Gideon. Yet...there he is listed in the incredible list of saints in the New Testament. These guys and gals are the super stars of the Bible stories....Noah, Abraham, Jacob...Moses, David. There embedded in this remarkable list is Gideon.

Now Gideon means mighty warrior or feller of trees. So right away you imagine this massive strength of a man chopping down forests of trees....kind of the Paul Bunyan during Bible times. But it seems that his parents were wishful thinking when they named him. He never physically grew into his name. Scripture tells us he was part of the weakest tribe...and he was the weakest in the weakest tribe. So our Gideon is no mighty warrior by our worldly definition...and therein lies the surprise. God LOVES surprises!

God loves nothing more than to use the smallest of small, the weakest of weak, the most interesting moments or unlikely individuals. I wonder if He chuckles to himself before He exhibits the spectacular.  He reminds us that HE is God...and we are not. Gideon will be a mighty warrior and a feller of trees...but not how you and I envision it. It will be all God's doing. Just you wait and see....

Gideon's story is our story. 

When we are weak...He is strong.

Nehemiah...you have inspired me!

Nehemiah has inspired me! I didn't know too much about him...but now I am a fan! He could be the model for a handbook on "How to be a Leader". I am paraphrasing a commentary I found in
one of my Bibles that sums it up perfectly. Take a look...





* Have a clear purpose and keep evaluating it in light of God's will. Nothing prevented Nehemiah from staying on track.

* Be straightforward and honest! He spoke the truth...even when it wasn't easy. Nobody wondered about where Nehemiah stood.

* Live above reproach. Rumors were laughable...accusations meant nothing...because Nehemiah's life was a clean as a whistle! And everybody knew it.

* Be in constant prayer. He prayed for guidance. He prayed for protection. He prayed with joy and thankfulness. There were prayers of confession and repentance. He prayed admitting his helplessness without God's power. Nehemiah prayed!

Nehemiah was able to accomplish a huge task against incredible odds because he learned that there is no success without risk of failure, no reward without hard work, no opportunity without criticism, and no true leadership without trust in God.

This book is about rebuilding the wall of a great city, but it is also about spiritual renewal, rebuilding a people's dependence on God. When we take our eyes off God, our lives begin to crumble.

Did you soak it in...that last line?

When we take our eyes off God, our lives begin to crumble. 

I was committed...then just kinda...then not at all...

Don't you just love January 1st? I really do. I like to renew. I like to start over. I like that clean slate feeling...a fresh start. It is January 10th that causes me to sigh.

Perhaps you have been to a youth rally? Or a spiritual retreat? You know those "I'm gonna get right with God" moments. You have been in a secluded place with no outside interference...no worldly worries. You have immersed your heart in prayer, song, and spiritual conversations until past midnight. You head home motivated with a full heart of good intentions. The next morning at work you were convinced you must glow with His love...and you did..until the phones started ringing, the emails filled up, the world crept in and shut Him out. Before long...the busy-ness of life has pushed Him away.

When we read Nehemiah...we see just that scenario. In chapter 12 the people are praying, singing praises, and rededicating their lives to the law. In chapter 13...oops! What scripture doesn't tell us is the time frame between chapter 12 and 13. But...let me fill you in. Nehemiah has a job and a boss. After celebrating and cheering with the people...he heads home....gotta get back to work.  He stays there about twelve years before returning. When he returns...oh my! He is beside himself with frustration! Over time the people have gone right back to living just like they were before. Now when you read it...you just want to slap your head and say,"Seriously!" Chapter 13 is about Nehemiah putting their houses back in order (literally)...he even snatched a few men bald! It's true...read it for yourself! Chapter 13 verse 25...good stuff.

Twelve years is almost an entire lost generation. One single generation of compromise can undo the work of centuries. And remember the real purpose for this chosen few...these folks will be the kinfolk for who? That's right...God is using Nehemiah to prepare the lineage for His own Son through this chosen bunch. Gotta get these knuckleheads on the right track...

While I shake my head in wonder as I read this story...I ponder... if I can't keep a New Year's resolution for a month...what makes me think I am so very different. Why do I fall so far so fast after a weekend retreat? Perhaps we must learn to gage our spiritual walks day by day...not by highs or lows. We have to keep steady the course. This is no sprint...this is a long distance race. It is minute by minute, moment by moment, month by month...and sometimes we even might need a Nehemiah in our lives to snatch us bald!

Thank you, Father, for hanging in there with us...even when we forget to hang out with You!

My Praying Heart

Recently a sweet struggling friend of mine posted on Facebook..."I am broken." Her words broke my heart resulting in a tender tug of compassion. I am aware of her struggle...and even though the words 'praying for you' are big...somehow the words felt small and hollow. Another precious friend is battling cancer. We gathered to pray with her one night...while we were pulled together knee to knee in a tight circle...she asked the question..."when you say you will pray for me...do you really?" Ouch! I kind of do....I say a quick dart prayer...but her words caused me to ponder. Do I weep for the hurting? I weep when I am hurting...or one of my children is hurting...but does my heart break for the broken? Does my heart break for the lost? Are my prayers from my heart?

Nehemiah is my new hero. He was a pray-er! When he hears about the brokenness of his people...the scripture says, "I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heavens".   With every single challenge Nehemiah faced...scripture says he prayed and fasted. Through the power of prayer and a compassionate heart God takes a cup bearer and raises up a confident, courageous leader for His people. God always taps out somebody that has a relationship with Him...someone that relies on Him to make the impossible possible.

Nehemiah was leading the rebuilding of the wall. God was rebuilding the hearts of His chosen people. They had forgotten who they were. God called Ezra to read the scripture to the people. They listened attentively to the reading of the law from daybreak until noon. (Whew!) To their credit...their ears were open to hear God's law...their hearts were filled with joy...but also broken with repentance. They were sorry for the sins of their forefathers...sorry for their sins...they wept...they wanted to change and become the people they were chosen to be!

Prayer...praying from the heart. Praying from a broken heart...a rejoicing heart...a repentant heart...a wounded heart...If God can take a praying cup bearer and raise up a bold architect of walls...then maybe He can do something with an old school teacher on her knees praying from her heart for the hurting.

Thank you, Father, from the bottom on my broken heart for allowing small me to talk to big You.

I wonder...what is my place on the wall?

God pricked Nehemiah's heart. He listened. He responded. He was as clear as a bell about his mission for his God. Then in chapters four and six...Nehemiah meets resistance. Satan hates it when one of God's children gets that serving nudge. He just can't stand it! So...he just starts messing with them.

Here is my struggle. What is God's plan for me? Where is He nudging me? And...am I listening? Do I hear? Am I willing to respond? If I do respond...and there is resistance...do I quit? I know for certain I often say to myself..."well, God shut that door." Clearly He has another plan for me (an easier one that requires no sacrifice on my part). I am guilty. When the going gets too tough...I get going. If I am totally honest with myself I justify my actions...or non-actions...by saying surely this was not God's will. 

Nehemiah and the people's resilience is fascinating. They were ridiculed and insulted. Yet they continued to work with all their heart. I don't know about you but I really don't like it when someone makes fun of me. When ridicule didn't work they hurled threats...basically, 'we are gonna beat you up!' The Israelites responded by posting guards. Next there were death threats. Now...this is pretty much where I would have bailed. But instead the people came up with a plan to protect themselves while working. Half would work while the other half would be posted as guards with swords. They worked wearing heavy armor prepared to fight. They didn't break for baths or changing clothes. Later their enemies tried spreading rumors. Isn't that interesting that rumor spreading was the ultimate threat? I suppose their thinking was if we can't physically kill you...then we will kill you with words...ruin your reputation. Then you will wish you were dead.

Don't you wonder why God just didn't make it easy for them. He could have. He has the power! But there He goes again...turning a curse into a blessing. He takes a broken disgraceful wall...and uses it to build character. He is teaching them much more that architecture...He takes our rubble and redeems and restores. 

All the while Nehemiah stayed focused on the goal. He was clear he was an instrument of God on a  mission. Satan would not have his way...not this time. With God's guidance he would lead the people to restoration...not just of a wall...but of their very souls. I wonder...have I answered the call to the wall? Will God use me for His purpose? If I don't respond...His will will be done...with or without me. I want to go...I want to respond...but will it hurt? What will I have to give up? Who will I have to give up? I wonder if I pick a stone will I add it to the wall...or just toss it to the ground and walk away? I wonder....

Government Shut Down? Not a Chance!

When reading Nehemiah chapter five...I couldn't help but think about the current situation of our own government. Today we have two parties in a stalemate, with their feet planted firmly in a face off waiting for the other to blink. We sure do need to send a Nehemiah to Washington!

Nehemiah listened to the people. They were full of complaints about their very own leaders. It seems the guys (their own countrymen) in charge were fleecing the regular fellow a pretty penny for grain and taxes. They had left slavery to become enslaved in just a different way by their own folks! When Nehemiah heard about all the injustices taking place he called a big meeting and he just told it like it was...and it wasn't pretty. The scriptures say..."They kept quiet because they had nothing to say." They had no defense for their behavior. Shame, shame, I know your name! My daddy would say Nehemiah cleaned their plow! Now the really great thing is...they recognized their sin and repented. Then they changed their ways. End of story....well, no... it gets even better. The people appointed Nehemiah governor...a nice little paid position.

Nehemiah could have just patted them on the back and given them a thumbs up with a thank you very much. But instead he worked along side of the people. He didn't take any money. He didn't try to acquire land. He led by serving. He led by being one of them. When they sweat he sweat too. When they were hungry his stomach growled.

Isn't that what Jesus did for us? He became one of us. He walked our walk. He hurt like we hurt. He was tempted like we are tempted. It was only then that He could FEEL what we feel. He didn't have to...but He knew it was the best way to relate and identify with His children. He had to know what it was really like to live a human life and suffer a human death. So when I am on my knees pouring out my grief, my fears, my joys...I know He knows. When I sigh...he gets it. When I am tired after a really long day...He understands. What joy to have such a Savior...and friend!

Washington...are you listening? Hmmm, would it be possible for you to keep quiet and have nothing to say? Maybe if you took a page out of Nehemiah (chapter 5 to be exact) and served the people...rolled up your sleeves and worked along side your people without benefits to yourselves...there is no telling what might happen! Nehemiah knew about servant leadership. Our Jesus, our Savior knew the power of a King stepping off a heavenly throne to live an earth bound life...and He did it just for you and for me.

Our Disgrace...His Grace

Have you ever been disgraced? Felt ashamed? Have you ever just stood in the middle of a big mess of rubble paralyzed with embarrassment? I am pretty sure we have all been surrounded by rubble at one time or another...the rubble of disobedience, the rubble of selfishness, greed, gossip, pride...and the list could go on and on. We forget that we are children of the King...living in the Light. The Light dims as we stray into the gray...and finally slip into complete darkness. The walls around us start to crumble...we stumble as we separate ourselves from our Father. Then...there we are standing knee deep stuck in a big ole' mess...in disgrace...ashamed. That is pretty much where the Israelites found themselves...otherwise surely they would have started to re-build the wall again on their own.

Rebuilding is much harder than building from scratch. New building starts out with a nice flat space that has been cleared off and is ready for the laying of the foundation. Rebuilding means you have to clear away the rubble first...toss out the broken and ruined....clean up the space before beginning to build again. Before we can rebuild our broken souls...we must feel our shame....which motivates us to repentance. And here is the thing...we can't do it ourselves! He covers our shame...He cleans us up....He claims us once again...He covers our disgrace in His grace.

God sent them Nehemiah. Did they need encouragement? A plan? Maybe they needed inspiration? A leader? God nudged Nehemiah...Nehemiah listened. Nehemiah then motivated the people to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and get moving! AND...he joined them in their efforts. No finger shaking in the face...instead Nehemiah rolled up his own sleeves...using the words "we" and "us". They were no longer living in disgrace...and to make it extra sweet...this task was completed in record breaking 52 days! Just so the world would be totally clear that God's hands did the rebuilding...not by regular human efforts. Did God need their help? Of course not...but maybe a little sweat and work is good for the soul...might have been the first record of community service. Helps you to appreciate the value of wall...

Isn't God just so incredible? He just takes us where we are and does something amazing...mess and all. Are you in the middle of the rubble? Or maybe you are just a regular ole' cup bearer...and God is whispering in your ear. We might be the rubble...or the tools...but no mistaking who is the Builder!

Shoulder to shoulder...carrying each boulder...

Clearly my mind is on missions after our heart grabbing mission Sunday. But...it suddenly struck me while reading chapter two of Nehemiah one more time...Nehemiah was a missionary. He was clearly on a mission. His trip to a people in need was funded by an outside source. His trip was led by God through answered prayer and opened doors. He got the call...he made a plan...he moved into action. What happens next is fascinating to me. He gathered this discouraged, ragged, and pitiful band of folks and pulled them together as a community. "Come on, guys...let's rebuild this wall!" It is believed that each family built the portion of the wall that protected their domain. This ensured that the wall would be strong. Because after all, if you are building your own section to protect your own bunch...you will build it extra strong...right? Just human nature...I wonder if there could have been a little "who can build the strongest wall competition". Nehemiah rallied the troops...he was rebuilding more than a wall...he was assisting God in rebuilding a sense of community and pride in the people.

Have you ever been a part of community of brothers and sisters serving others? There is nothing like the mountain top experience that comes through exhausted efforts when you work along side others to serve. What a blessing to be part of a giving, living church...a body of believers. Is the church perfect? Goodness, no...not when it's full of people! We are a mess. It is God who is perfect and He does such a mighty work in us. One person can set a work in motion...when that spark starts a fire and one becomes many...Satan better get out of the way! Nehemiah was the spark...with his God-led guidance a community of families rebuilt the wall in fifty-two days...record time!

What kind of wall would you have built to protect your family? I'm pretty sure my husband and I would have built a mighty wall to protect our little brood. We have three kiddos, two spouses, and six grands. Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, passing boulders up and down the line we would have worked with vigor to build something that would endure the most aggressive of assaults. Have we worked as tirelessly to build spiritual walls around our families? Have we "built" Godly children that can endure the many assaults of the world? My prayer is for the gathering of many Christians of different ages, cultures, and backgrounds to work together side by side to build our faith...

Hey, we'll scoot over; let's lock arms...come find your place on the "wall"!

My Broken Heart...

Nehemiah was a cup bearer to a king (he was the fellow who drank the drink before the king to make sure it was not poisoned). Although this might have been a somewhat stressful job...it sounds as if he was living a pretty nice life. While 'wintering' with the king's crew...Nehemiah questioned some guests about his people...a Jewish remnant that survived the exile. He inquired about Jerusalem...the Jewish holy city. He was distressed to learn things weren't well there..he knew it wasn't great...but it was much worse than he had imagined. When hearing the survivors were in great trouble and the walls to the city were broken and the gates burned he grieved. The Word says Nehemiah sat down and wept. He mourned, fasted and prayed.

Today is 9-11. I couldn't help but be reminded of how on this day twelve years ago we all stopped and wept for our fellow countrymen. Regardless of who you were...or where you were...time seemed to stop for a day or so. As countrymen we all joined to mourn lost lives...lost innocence. It didn't matter that we were Texans...or from New Mexico...or Oregon. We grieved. New Yorkers were in pain and we were connected by our common love of country. Suddenly...our perspective was crystal clear. All non essentials were put aside. For a while, as a country we turned fully to God for His guidance, His peace, His comfort. From the pain and the ashes the best of man emerged, filling us with fresh sprigs of hope.

We live in such a bountiful country it is easy to forget the Giver of all good things and become selfish. We can become oblivious to the pain of others. When we grieve for others...we are not numb! I don't want to be numb to the hurting...do you? It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. Kelly Winter's words pierced my heart when she said,  "God loves me so much He doesn't want to share me with anything...even the American Dream!"

I know I struggle with selfishness. I want to know my sin of selfishness. I want God to break my heart. I want God to change me...use me. I want to live a life that is noble and pure in heart. I want to be set apart...and fully aware. It is only then that I will be fully alive in Him.

                 

                    All of me, None of You
                    Some of me, Some of You
                    Less of me, More of You
                    None of Me, All of You

Nehemiah...a heart that can break by Kelly Winter

Have you ever had a "Standing on Holy Ground" moment? Kelly Minter describes a moment in her life while she was making her bed, as clear as a bell God spoke to her and said, "Nehemiah". It was a passing moment...over shadowed by a series of events that required her immediate attention. But later she realized God had already placed in her soul to study the book of Nehemiah...before she even knew there would be a need for it. I haven't had a moment quite like her moment...but there have been times when I felt my thoughts were being directed by Him...and not me.

I sometimes call them "God Winks"...moments when I feel there is a special connection to the Holy. I have to say it has never been while making a bed! But don't you sometimes feel that He is nudging you? Do you budge when there is a nudge? I wonder if there are times when I stand lock-kneed still and determined that surely He was not whispering to me! I am too busy or too tired or too over worked to do one single thing more...and yet He whispers...and prods. It is uncomfortable. It can be irritating...and certainly unsettling. 

It takes a lot of courage to open your heart to hear His voice...to pray..."Here I am with all I am, my whole heart...what can I do? Where can I go? Where can I help?" Do you have the courage to pray it? You know if you do...that's when the excitement will begin! He will hear you...He will lead you...it won't be easy! But He promises that He is enough...

Maybe I'll make my bed tomorrow!